1d100 Modern Professions

One of my vague games-I'd-like-to-run dreams is a Portal Fantasy game in Dungeon Crawl Classics where a bunch of ordinary Earth people get teleported into a fantasy realm and have to survive. To that end, I've made a table so you can roll some random modern folks. This is obviously unplaytested, use at your own peril.

Roll	Profession	Starting Item	Starting Weapon
01	Accountant	Calculator	Table Leg (Club)
02	Actor	Disguise Kit	Prop Gun (club)
03	Administrative Assistant	Clipboard, pen	Paper Cutter Arm (Short Sword)
04	Artist	Paintbrush, 1 tube of paint	Baseball Bat (Warhammer)
05	Astronaut	Pencil (works in 0G)	Chain (Club)
06	Athlete	Baseball	Baseball Bat (Warhammer)
07	Author	Book	Fire Poker (Club)
08	Baker	1 lb flour	Rolling Pin (Club)
09	Ballerina	Dance Shoes	Baton (Club)
10	Bartender	Beer, 3 bottles	Broken Bottle (Short Sword)
11	Beekeeper	Jar of Honey	Wrench (Club)
12	Beggar	Begging Bowl	Sling
13	Blacksmith	Iron Tongs	Hammer
14	Bus Driver	Wristwatch	Belt with heavy buckle (Club)
15	Butcher	Hand-Crank Meat Grinder	Cleaver (as dagger)
16	Candlestick-Maker	20 Candles	Candlestick (Club)
17	Carpenter	10 Nails	Hammer (Club)
18	Cartographer	Spyglass	Exacto Knife (Dagger)
19	Cashier	Shopping Cart	Mop (Staff)
20	CEO	Inflated Ego	Golf Club (Flail)
21	Cheesemaker	Stinky Cheese	Knife (Dagger)
22	Chef	Bag of Salt	Cleaver (Dagger)
23	Chemist	Set of Scales	Knife (Dagger)
24	Coach	Whistle	Flagpole (Club)
25	Construction Worker	Hard Hat (Helmet)	Shovel (Club)
26	Crossing Guard	Brightly Colored Vest	Stop Sign
27	Daycare Teacher	Hand Puppets	Baseball Bat (Warhammer)
28	Dentist	Mouth Mirror	Dental Drill (Dagger)
29	Disguised Alien Spy	Broken Alien Device	Laser Sword (longsword)
30	DJ	1d5 glowsticks (last 10h each)	Cables (Club)
31	Doctor	Surgical Mask	Scalpel (Dagger)
32	Dog Trainer	Dog	Mop (Staff)
33	Drug Dealer	"Herbs" (1 oz)	Tire Iron (Club)
34	Electrician	Pliers	Screwdriver (Club)
35	Exterminator	Mouse Trap	Exterminator Hose (Club)
36	Farmer	Sheep	Pitchfork (Spear)
37	Fireman	Rope (100')	Axe (Battleaxe)
38	Fisherman	10' net	Gutting Knife (Dagger)
39	Forensic Specialist	Magnifying Glass	Scalpel (Dagger)
40	Fortune Teller	Tarot Deck	Ceremonial Dagger
41	Fry Cook	Hamburger	Tongs (Club)
42	Gambler	Dice	Tire Iron (Club)
43	Gardener	1 lb dirt	Shovel (Flail)
44	Glovemaker	Gloves	Scissors (Dagger)
45	Grocery Store Worker	3 Fruits	Ice Pick (Dagger)
46	Hairdresser	Hair Dye	Scissors (Dagger)
47	Horse Trainer	Pony	Shovel (Flail)
48	Interior Decorator	Fancy Potted Plant	Curtain Rod (Club)
49	Janitor	Rag	Mop (Staff)
50	Jeweller	Gem worth 20 GP	Hammer (Club)
51	Journalist	Pen, 10 sheets paper	Wrench (club)
52	Judge	Nice Robes	Gavel (Club)
53	Lawyer	Book of Law	Briefcase (Club)
54	Librarian	Book	Sledgehammer (Club)
55	Locksmith	Fine Tools	Hammer (Club)
56	Lumberjack	Wood (10 lbs)	Handaxe
57	Magician	Rabbit, Top Hat	Magic Wand (Club)
58	Maid	Duster	Broom (Staff)
59	Mailman	Mail	Wrench (club)
60	Mall Santa	Santa Costume	Bell (Club)
61	Manager	Pencil, Sticky-notes	Ski Pole (Club)
62	Martial Artist	Karate Outfit	Fists (d4)
63	Mechanic	Pot of Grease	Wrench (club)
64	Miner	Flashlight (As Lantern, 6 hours	Pickaxe (Handaxe)
65	Mortician	Make-up	Embalming Tool (d4)
66	Musician	Instrument	Instrument (Flail)
67	Nun	Holy Symbol	Holy Statue (Club)
68	Nurse	Stethoscope	Syringe (Dagger)
69	Occultist	Black Grimoire*	Ceremonial dagger
70	Park Ranger	Flashlight (As Lantern, 6h)	Knife (dagger)
71	Pet Shop Owner	Bird (in cage)	Broom (Staff)
72	Pilot	Gloves	Crowbar (Club)
73	Pirate	Cool pirate hat, hook hand	Longsword
74	Pizza Delivery Driver	Box of Pizza	Pizza Cutter (Dagger)
75	Plumber	Plunger	Lead Pipe (Club)
76	Poet	Book of Poetry	Knife (dagger)
77	Politician	Notes	Sledgehammer (Club)
78	Poultry Farmer	Duck	Pitchfork (Spear)
79	Priest	Vial of Holy Water	Holy Statue (Club)
80	Prisoner	Handcuffs	Shiv (Dagger)
81	Professor	Globe	Deer Antler
82	Programmer	Computer Mouse	Brick (Club)
83	Real Estate Agent	Keys	Brick (Club)
84	Retiree	Bottle of Heart Pills	Crutches (Club)
85	Seamstress	Needle and Thread	Knitting Needle (Dagger)
86	Security Guard	Walkie-Talkies	Knife (Dagger)
87	Soldier	Camo Vest	Gun (As Crossbow. Has 6 bullets)
88	Stay-at-home Parent	Doll	Kitchen knife (Dagger)
89	Stock Broker	A bunch of money (useless)	Tire Iron (Flail)
90	Student	Cell Phone (Dead)	Rock (club)
91	Tailor	3 Fine Suits	Scissors (Dagger)
92	Teacher	3 pieces of chalk	Pointing Stick
93	Telemarketer	Coffee mug	Golf Club (Flail)
94	Translator	+1 Random Language	Chair Leg (Club)
95	Trucker	3d10 resealable plastic bags	Crowbar (Club)
96	Veterinarian	Dog	Scalpel (Dagger)
97	Waiter	Plate	Chef Knife (Dagger)
98	Welder	Welding Mask	Blowtorch (as club)
99	Winemaker	Wine, 3 bottles	Broken bottle (Short Sword)
00	Yoga Instructor	Yoga Mat	Knife (Dagger)

* The Black Grimoire contains a single random Magic-User spell. If using DCC a level 0 Occultist can cast the spell with a 1d10. If you're using OSE you can probably cast it with like a 20% chance or something.

Dolmenwood Session 6-7: Bits of Ragged Hollow Nightmare

Previously, the party explored the old Windler House.

Gunkuss the Grim: A purple wood-grue fighter, who travels to sate his curiosity and find treasure. Smells like cotton candy.

Dombo the Green: An unintelligent slacker Moss-Dwarf magic-user. Incredibly buff for a wizard. Can talk to birds. Smells earthy.

Episcopia the Judge: A nerdy human cleric of the church of the one true god. Kind of a nerd. Wants to FIGHT EVIL. 

Boots Tippler: A grimalkin bard who looks like Garfield. An extravagant showman, desires Fame and Fortune and something else starting with an F. 

Archibald Vantorez: A posh, upper-class human from a far-off Eastern land with dreams of becoming a cartographer. Is an Illusionist. 

The party returned to town and began asking around for possible quests to go on. In the tavern, the barkeep, a woman named Saerlaith (ser-la) said that a group of bandits to the South had been waylaying their shipments of ale. The party, worried that all the alcohol in the town would dry up, agreed to help. Episcopia, who is really more loosely associated with the party than a member, agreed to go with them, based on a rumor that to the South lay a dungeon housing a holy chalice with the power to revive the dead.

Also in the inn, the party hired a new member, Archibald Vantorez, and a chef named Mannog (a level 0 NPC with 4 hit points).

The party road a few hours South where they found the road blocked by fallen logs. Figuring this was a trap and they would be ambushed by bandits, the party lay a trap of their own: they waited till nightfall and had Vantorez and Mannog stand around like lost merchants to draw in the bandits. Episcopia cast Detect Evil, which had the effect of illuminating the bandits when they got close enough, cleverly letting the party get the drop on them (since Detect Evil has a range of 60' and torches can only see 30').

The party got the jump on the bandits, only to find that the bandits had with them an immense Ogre. Dombo put the Ogre to sleep while the rest of the party fought them. Vantorez very narrowly survived. 

The party brought back the supply of ale and the Ogre's head, earning a reward from the barkeep: 500 GP and free drinks. Vantorez, Dombo, and Gunkus all began drinking their heads off, while Episcopia left to go to the church and Boots only pretended to drink. The three drunkards blacked out.

When they awoke, Vantorez and Dombo found that all their gold had gone missing. They asked the barkeep and discovered they had given it all to a silver-haired elf in exchange for a unicorn, and she reported the elf had travelled South with several other elves, dragging large cages containing magical beasts. 

Gunkuss awoke to find a tattoo of a stump on his arm, along with a ceremonial set of robes and a dagger. He had vague memories of joining a cult. He asked the wizard, Candleswick, who recognized the stump as the symbol of a particularly incompetent cult of short creatures living in a hole under an oak tree, the same dungeon fabled to contain the holy chalice Episcopia had heard of. While talking to the wizard, Vantorez noticed his icy-blue eyes. The party realized he was almost certainly a frost-elf in disguise, but left the investigation of that for another day.

*            *            *

A few hours South they found the swindlers sitting around a fire. They discovered they were actually illusionists, using magic to disguise themselves as Elves and cages of ordinary animals as magical beasts. They had one real magical creature: a basilisk, which had a helmet on its head that blocked its magical gaze from petrifying people. 

Boots introduced himself to the con-artists as a traveling musician. The leader of the group was an elderly woman named Madame Laverna. Boots used his music to charm two of the four, and the rest of the party managed to overpower them. 

They let the non-basilisk animals go free, then locked their foes in the cages and left them there with the keys on the ground, presuming someone would eventually come to let them out. Probably. They kept the Basilisk.

Notes

• The encounter with the con-artists was improved entirely as the story went along, inspired by the results in the carousing table. The illusionists were inspired by the Menagerie from Last Unicorn.
• The cult Gunkuss joined is obviously the cult from Hole in the Oak.
• I keep all characters at the same number of experience points because frankly, it's too damn complicated to have them all at different amounts.

Next Time: The party explores a dungeon under an old oak tree...

Dolmenwood Session Report 4-5: Windler House from Ragged Hollow Nightmare

 Previously, the party ran through Winter's Daughter and reunited an Elf princess with her lover. 

The party:

Gunkuss the Grim: A cowardly wood-grue fighter, who travels to sate his curiosity and find treasure. Recently bit the head off a magical dove at a wedding and was permanently turned purple, which he describes as an improvement.

Dombo the Green: An unintelligent Moss-Dwarf magic-user. Wants to become a better mage but is not interested in putting in much effort. Can talk to birds.

Episcopia the Judge: A nerdy human cleric of the church of the one true god. Kind of a nerd. Wants to FIGHT EVIL. 

Boots Tippler: A grimalkin bard who looks like Garfield. An extravagant showman, desires Fame and Fortune and something else starting with an F. 

In between sessions, Brad was spirited away by the Elven Princess Snowfall-at-Dusk to dwell with her in her tower forevermore as her consort/pet (his player had to drop out cause hey it's college).

In session 4, the party began exploring the town of Prigwort, which I played as a combination of Prigwort from Dolmenwood's zine issue 6 and the module Ragged Hollow Nightmare. After asking around town and hearing a few rumors, they decided to explore the old Windler House (detailed in Ragged Hollow Nightmare). The house had been owned by a wealthy aristocratic family, the last of whom had been a paranoid inventor who guarded the family's wealth with a multitde of traps. People also claimed the house was haunted.

• The party decided to enter the house through the window, reasoning that doors are usually trapped (it wasn't but better safe than sorry). They found themselves in a large study and made the acquaintance of a pale ghostly butler named Andrew. Andrew showed no awareness that he was a ghost or that the house was completely fallen apart and rigged with death traps, and instead acted like the party were normal visitors to Master Windler. The party had a good time roleplaying with Andrew. I played him as completely confused and oblivious to anything that was going on- he didn't notice when the party started basically tearing down the house looking for stuff, or later on when they started finding his master's reanimated corpse.  
• The party bypassed several traps, including a deadly chandelier and a bunch of shrimp-forks rigged to trip wires, mostly by throwing about a hundred books into the room until the traps ran out of ammo. They also found Andrew's long-dead skeleton, which had several shrimp-forks still embedded in his skull.
• They eventually made their way to the top floor where they found Master Windler, who was now a reanimated zombie, which they made short work of and then burned in the fireplace just in case he decided to resurrect. Andrew showed no awareness of the fact that his master was obviously a zombie, only saying he was of "slightly ill health as of late."
• The party also found a pair of clockwork shoes with tiny buttons on the heels. Boots put them on and tried clicking his heels together and was immediately launched 60 feet in the air, crashing through the ceiling and landing on the roof, where he took 13 damage and fell unconscious, prompting the party to return to town to heal up. 
• The party returned the next day. While exploring they found that the last room was filled with snakes. 
• Dombo, who can talk to birds, lured in two magpies. They used one of them as bait for the snakes, luring about half the snakes out through the window. Gunkuss, who had developed a taste for birds, ate the other one.
• The party attempted to fight the other 6 snakes, which went about as well as all of their battles:
• They paralyzed two of them with their magical freezing mirror from the tomb of Sir Oisin. 
• Dombo, who has 6 constitution and 4 hit points, got bitten by a snake, failed his save against poison, and fell unconscious. The party carried him off on their mule.
• The snakes failed their morale and ran away.

Notes

• I added in Andrew's dead corpse to the kitchen area of the module- it's a good way to telegraph all the danger in the house, plus it's fun to meet his ghost and then run into his corpse.
• I also added in the master of the house as a zombie in the bedroom, since I wanted a creepy but not-that-hard combat encounter. In the actual module his shadow shows up later in another area, but since I wasn't too sure my players would ever actually go there I figured something should happen now.
• Ragged Hollow Nightmare is a fun little intro scenario since it scatters hooks all over the place and asks the players to follow them. I was a little worried because the players picked what I initially had thought was the most boring of the hooks, but the process of searching for traps actually ended up being really fun, and Andrew the forgetful ghost butler was good comic relief.
• The big "Lesson" I'm learning is that very frequently when reading old-school modules I will think, "how the hell are the players supposed to solve that?" and have an impulse to add clues or make it easier, and every single time the players manage to come up with a solution without too much thought. 
• For example, I was nervous that the clue to get into the tomb in Winter's Daughter would be too opaque ("call to the companions," meaning say the name of the guy's dogs), but the players pretty quickly worked out what they were supposed to do and then went about investigating the tomb to find out his dog's names. 
• Similarly, I was worried about them just walking into the rooms in The Windler House and getting a face full of traps, but once they knew the place was trapped they were super cautious. By the end of it, I actually felt bad there weren't more traps, since they did lots of things that weren't necessary- they checked every single door and window, and at one point chopped through the walls of a room rather than using the door (for some reason they were certain the door was trapped). 
• They also tend to look more carefully for treasure than I anticipate. In this session they pulled all the books out of a shelf to look for hidden doors, pulled the wallpaper off the walls of a room to look for secrets, and looked under all the paintings in the house. In the future I need to start hiding more treasure in places like that.

Next Time: The players fight bandits and get wasted

Dolmenwood Session Report 1-3: Winter's Daughter

I've started running a Dolmenwood campaign for a few players from the D&D club at my college. The system being used is Old School Essentials with a few classes (Barbarian, Bard, Druid, Illusionist, Paladin, and Ranger) from the Advanced Edition, plus separate race and class (I wrote up race versions of the demihumans of Dolmenwood, I might post it here at some point). Our first adventure was Winter's Daughter.

The party consists of:

Gunkus the Grim- A Wood-Grue (kind of a bat-faced flute-playing goblin thing) fighter. The name is actually a misnomer. He is fascinated with humans and travels to sate his curiosity (and to find treasure!). In play has established himself as kind of a coward, inclined to take the money and run and avoid any heroics. Has convinced the rest of the party he's a majestic, well-travelled hero who has fought monsters, in reality is as inexperienced as everyone else. Agile, but not very tough.

Brad - A human fighter. Brad is a hillbilly with a can-do attitude. He worked at the local sawmill with his parents but was enchanted by Gunkus's stories and now works as his squire, which mostly means carrying him around in his backpack. Strong but not too smart. Wants to be an Arthurian Hero.

Dombo the Green - A Moss-Dwarf. His player rolled randomly for class and race so he is a Magic-User despite having 8 Intelligence. Was inspired to leave his small Moss-Dwarf village in the woods and become an adventurer by Gunkus's heroic tales. An idealist and a slacker. Wants to become a better mage but not put in too much effort. Plays the Hurdy-Gurdy (he rolled "musical instrument" as one of his starting items). 

Episcopia the Judge - A human cleric. Started off a follower of the old Druidic religion until her parents were killed, then was raised as an orphan by the Church of the One True God. Became an adventurer to FIGHT EVIL and solve religious secrets. Kind of a nerd.

Boots Tippler - A Grimalkin (3' tall cat with shapeshifting powers) bard. Looks like Garfield. An extravagant showman, desires Fame and Fortune and something else starting with an F. 

As a note, every single member of the party rolled slightly below average stats (between 60 and 62) except for Episcopia, whos stats total 54. Also, I changed Sir Chyde's name to "Sir Oisin" (pronounced Ush-een) for an authentically Irish feel.

1. As the adventure begun, Brad had mystical dreams where a woman in white appeared to him, professed her love to him, and implored him to explore an ancient tomb to bring her a magical ring, promising her heart to him if he could do so. He gathered his four friends and convinced them (though Gunkuss was skeptical of Brad's "Wet dreams") to go explore the tomb from his vision.
   
   
2. In the first room, they found four religious objects on stands. The first four party members entered and nothing happened, but as soon as Boots (the only party member not a member of the Church) entered the objects came to life and attacked! The five of them ran outside and realized the objects did not seem to be able to pass through the tomb entrance. Episcopia did a quick ritual to initiate Boots into the church (sprinkling dirt on his head), though Boots crossed his fingers behind his back. This time when they entered the objects did not come to life, and the party stashed them in their backpack to sell back in town (though Episcopia called it "returning them to the church).
   
   
3. At one point the party encountered a toad that hopped in front of them and said the single word "betrayal." As it tried to hop away Episcopia (rolling Dex) grabbed it, although she was disappointed to find it didn't still talk. The party christened it Dombo, after their Moss-Dwarf companion.
   
   
4. A few rooms down they found a small girl, Adeen, trapped in a circle of mushrooms (added in as a fun OSR-style challenge for the party). She said she was under attack and needed rescuing (Boots called her "the most unconvincing person I've ever met"). Episcopia went in to grab her but was entrapped by the spell of the mushrooms and began telling the other party members to come in as well. The party members used a grappling hook as a lasso to drag the two of them out, although Episcopia got hit in the process. They then returned the girl back to town, vowing to come back soon and complete the tomb. They also gave her Dombo as a pet, and continued to visit her like every session which was pretty adorable.
   
   Back in town the girl's older sister explained that her mother had gone missing after going to look for Adeen, and asked them find her shield and return it to them. 
   
   
5. The party returned a few days later. They found a room with two floating, animated skeletons, and five coffins. The skeletons were covered in slime that was dripping from the ceiling. The party talked to the skeletons, who revealed themselves to be Sir Oisin's parents, and the rest of the coffins to contain their other three children. One of the party had the idea to throw the children's skeletons into the slime and re-animate them as well, allowing the entire family to reunite as dancing skeletons (the module doesn't say what happens if you touch the skeletons with slime but I liked the idea and it seemed reasonable). Gunkuss bottled up some of the slime for later.
   
   
6. The party passed by an enchanted mirror that froze Boots in place. Clued in by scrapes on the floor leading from the room to outside, they dragged his body outside, and found that sunlight reversed the mirror's effects. They took the mirror with them as a weapon, and later used it to defeat some worms (they got lucky and all the worms failed their saving throws).
   
   
7. The party found two large stone doors, guarded by two stone dogs and the inscription "Call to the Companions." They reasoned that saying the names of the dogs would get them through. They found the name of the first one, Chedr, then spent about ten minutes trying to guess the names of other cheeses the other dog might be named. Eventually they went back to searching and eventually found Flaegr's name written in an old book, allowing them entry into the tomb.
   
   
8. Inside the tomb they found Sir Oisin's coffin, and his ghost. He explained that his soul was bound to his magic ring, that if the players took it to his beloved in fairy they would be reunited, and that there was a portal to Fairy somewhere in the tomb. He implored them to help him. He also implored them not to loot all the treasure in his tomb, which the players promptly ignored.
   
   
9. Exploring around the tomb the players found the portal to fairy hidden in the basement, warded by floating candles. Passing through they found themselves at the edge of a frozen lake, with Adeen's mother's body laying next to it and a giant white marble tower in the center. They poured the slime on the skeleton and brought her back into the tomb, bringing her back to life. 
   
   
10. The party approached the tower, ready to explore it and find the princess. They nervously knocked on the door, and had it opened by a goblin and a troll, who explained that this tower was full of guests awaiting the wedding between the lady of the wood and Sir Oisin, and refused the party entry due to them not being on the guest list. To get inside, they posed as a band, which he seemed to accept after they played a song. 
    
    
11. As he led the party inside, the goblin tried to convince them to eat from his magic sack of mushrooms (Winter's Daughter has a list of various random mushroom effects). Dombo tried one and gained +1 to his Wisdom score, inspiring the rest of the party to try as well. Gunkuss gained +1 to his Constitution, Brad shrank to six inches tall and spent the rest of the adventure being carried around by Gunkuss, and Boots began vomiting bugs and had to be left outside so as not to cause a scene. Episcopia turned transparent for an hour, which she spent sneaking around the tower looking for danger. 
    
    
12. The party made it up to the top of the tower where they found the lady, who revealed herself to be a princess of Elfland named Princess Snowfall-at-Dusk, and that she was awaiting her lover, Sir Oisin. Brad felt betrayed since he had been promised her hand in marriage. As thanks for their role in reuniting them, the princess offered them either the entire contents of her jewelery box or a wish. The players settled on jewels, and got like 1500 XP each, enough to reach level 2.
    
    
13. The party, since they had claimed to be a band, played at the wedding. They did a splendid job (they rolled 2d6+charisma and got a 12) and impressed all the elfin nobility. Unfortunately, Gunkuss caused a scene by biting the head off a magical dove (this wasn't based on any kind of roll his player just thought it'd be funny) and the party was escorted out by security.
    
    Eating the dove also had the side effect of turning Gunkuss purple. Forever.
    
    
14. On their way back to Prigwort the party encountered two red-hooded figures performing a human sacrifice at a ring of standing stones (technically the module has this at the beginning but I placed it at the end, since encountering the Drune is a weird first encounter IMO). They confronted the figures, who identified themselves as members of the Watchers of the Wood (their real name is the Drune, but I decided to just call them watchers to make them more mysterious), a shady cabal of sorcerers who perform human sacrifices to bolster their magic, which they claimed kept the Elves out of Dolmenwood, and the sacrifice explained that she was totally willing. 
    
    
15. Episcopia tried to talk the sacrifice out of it and convert her to following the Church of the One True God, but was unsuccessful. Gunkuss sneaked up behind the watchers and picked their pockets, earning a wand and a golden bracelet on the first attempt but being noticed on the second, causing the watchers to attack.
    
    
16. The party got lucky with initiative and their attack rolls, and knocked one of the watchers unconscious (Episcopia said she wanted to non-lethal damage and I didn't want to look up the rules for it so I just said he was knocked unconscious when he reached 0 HP), but the second watcher hit Gunkuss with a magic missile, bringing him to -9 HP (one away from death) and knocking him out. She held a dagger to his throat and threatened to slice it open unless the party retreated.  The party acquiesced, loaded Gunkuss onto their mule, and headed back to town, taking with them piles of jewels and treasure...

Notes and Lessons

1. The party pretty quickly adapted to the OSR style. I was nervous about them dying constantly so I adapted Into the Odd's dying rules by saying that characters only die at -10 HP but have to make saves vs paralysis with a penalty equal to their negative HP every time they take damage bringing them to below 0 or fall unconscious, with unconscious characters dying if their wounds are not tended to in an hour. They actually ended up being super cautious anyway- they pretty much retreated from any fight they couldn't immediately win, and in general spent a lot more time scoping things out and investigating stuff than I thought they would.
   
   
2. You can actually downgrade lethality significantly just by playing opponents as actually intelligent beings and not as automatons who fight to the death. I tried to keep in mind what the watchers actually want: they want to complete their ritual and, failing that, survive to do it another day. The remaining one could have easily killed Gunkuss but would probably have been killed by the party, so I figured threatening to slit his throat was a reasonable action for her to take. She actually lost initiative the round it happened so there was a fun back-and-forth of the party debating if they thought they could take her out before she could kill their friend. 
   
   
3. Winter's Daughter is a fantastic module. It took us about 2 1/2 sessions but the players also spent a fair bit of time creating characters, introducing themselves to each other, and messing around in town. It's a bit light on actual enemies- the nightworms are really the only thing the party actually has to fight. The party enjoyed it but I think if I re-ran it I might add in one more combat encounter for the party to face.

Next Time: The party returns to Prigwort and explores a mysterious house full of traps...

Weird Genders and Sexes for Fantastical Races

One thing that has forever bugged me about science-fiction is how almost every single alien basically follows the same sex and gender dimorphism as humans: females are smaller, males are larger and rule everything, blah blah blah. If you're especially unlucky you get the trope where the guys are all monsters and the girls are all super hot. If you're double especially unlucky and you have the misfortune to be reading Ringworld you get the trope where the men run society and all the females are off-screen the whole book.

Anyway, here's some reproduction methods and gender roles for your wacky alien species. I've tried to take sexual roles from real-world organisms and try to extrapolate how that would work culturally. I've included multiple cultures per species, since obviously people have loads of different gender roles despite all having the same reproductive strategy.

1. Swamplings: Time-Based Protandry

Swamplings live in wetlands and kind of resemble frogs with bio-luminescent anglerfish lures and five eyes going all the way around their heads. They practice Protandry: they are born as males and remain males through adolescence and adulthood. Upon reaching a venerable age, they turn into females if un-mated, becoming more hardy but less physically capable. They reproduce via sexual reproduction, and the females lay eggs. 

a. Northern Swamplings: The Northern Swamplings are nomadic, travelling around the Great Blue Swamp. Their men are seen as expendable and used as warriors and hunters, while the women are responsible for taking care of the children and serving as rulers. Monogamous pairs are formed with one older female and one younger male; when the older female dies the younger male will change sex and eventually take on another mate. Homosexual behavior (but not "marriage") is considered normal for males, since there are always more men than women, but unacceptable for females.

b. Marsh Swamplings: The Marsh Swamplings live in reed huts, keeping fish as livestock. In their tribe, polyandry is common, with most women taking multiple males as husbands. Marsh Swamplings believe marriage is for life, so men who have been married are not allowed to marry again after becoming female. Because of this, first-born children will usually not marry until old age. Husbands are expected to do almost all of the child-rearing and farming together with their brother-husbands, while Wives mostly handle politics and make art. Homosexual marriages are legal only for older women, though some families will look down on it.

2. Ratfolk: Hermaphroditic

Ratfolk look like six-limbed rats with no eyes and long tentacles on their nose. All ratfolk are hermaphroditic, capable of both becoming pregnant and impregnating others.

a. Mountain Ratfolk: Mountain Ratfolk have a very traditional culture that emphasizes respect for one's parents. Their culture practices arranged marriages. It is traditional for the child from a higher-ranked family to be the one to get pregnant, since the traditional book of Rodentism claims that the child will have the soul of one of it's mother's ancestors. Ratfolk are interested in human gender norms as a cool exotic trend, and deliberately mimicking the dress-style matching one's current sex has become somewhat of a fad. 

b. Hill Ratfolk: Hill Ratfolk deeply value wisdom and learning. They believe in equal marriages, and take turns being the one to be the mom. Hill Ratfolk find the human concept of gender incredibly alien and do not understand it.

3. Elves: More than Two Sexes

Elves look like tall, ethereally attractive humans, with strange eye colors. While humans have only two sexes, elves have five: Up, Down, Strange, Charm, and Effervescent. Each sex is capable of mating with one of the other four. The sexes are distinguished by a complicated combination of eye and hair color. Elves don't naturally have external genitals but are easily capable of growing male or female genitalia compatible with humans at will, explaining where half-elves come from. Elves don't need to lay eggs or give birth, instead doing some weird bullshit magic thing that makes new babies grow out of flowers. Humans are terrible at telling elf gender, instead usually assuming they are men or women and using pronouns based on that. Elves can easily tell which human gender a human is, but use the same pronoun for all humans that they use for especially ugly animals and certain fungal infections. 

a. Valley-Elves: Valley-Elves have strict gender roles for all five genders. Laws on marriage is exceedingly complicated and makes little sense to anyone from other cultures- marriages are allowed between certain genders of elves but not others, and in some cases Valley-Elves may take multiple partners. All of this is the result of thousands of years of culture, tradition, and religion. For example, a Strange Elf with a Charm Wife may also take an Effervescent wife or a second Charm wife, but a Strange Elf with an Up wife may not take on any more lovers. Same-sex marriage is prohibited. However, Valley-Elves in the past have been granted the legal status to identify as a different gender than their birth sex, inheriting all the legal rights as such. 

b. Wood-Elves: Wood-Elves are largely gender-equal, though there are still expected gender roles and stereotypes. Same-sex marriage is legal.

4. Hobkins: Bidirectional Sex Changes

Hobkins, also called "Desert Goblins," are short humanoid creatures with scaly skin, large eyes, giant dog-like ears, and long, prehensile tongues. Hobkin determine sex based on characteristics, rather than the other way around. In any group of Hobkin, the largest 50% will switch to being Female, growing beautiful red and green scales around their necks. The smaller 50% will spontaneously switch to being Male, growing camouflaged skin-colors . "Large" seems to be somewhat cultural but is a combination of height, mass, and strength. Hobkin who leave their tribes to live amongst other folk often find themselves much smaller than everyone else, resulting in the majority of Hobkin wandering the world being male. This has led to the perception among the uneducated that Hobkin are entirely male

a. Desert-Hobkin: The most common type of Hobkin. As you might expect, Desert Hobkin have a female-dominated society; males are not allowed to own property or hold political power, and their only role is to marry a woman. If one of the couple switches sexes, the marriage is annuled, and the individuals are allowed to re-marry, but otherwise divorce is outlawed. The dominant religion, Jershonism, even teaches that a male's afterlife status is entirely determined by his wife's position in the church.

b. Rock-Hobkin: Rock-Hobkin live in caves underground, and make their money off digging for gems. They don't have a concept of marriage or of inheritance; mating is something to be done casually, and all resulting children are raised communally. 

5. Ornix: Facultative Parthenogenesis

Ornix are diminutive Skeksis-looking birds with three legs and a pair of wings, who have opposable talons for holding tools. Ornix have two sexes, female and male, which are determined by the environmental temperature rather than by chromosomes. Ornix are capable of sexual reproduction, but female Ornix are also capable of producing eggs on their own through asexual reproduction. In order to do this, female ornix will engage in mating behavior with other females in order to stimulate ovulation. Some humans see this as a "virgin birth" and believe that the Ornix are thus holy, and will seek them out for religious wisdom. 

a. Mountain Ornix: Mountain Ornix live on the tops of mountains. They have small villages that are entirely female, and the females of a tribe raise all the children communally and grow crops for food. Male Mountain Ornix are expected to leave their home when they become adults at age 27, after which they become nomads, hunting for their own food in the wild and travelling from village to village and mating with the females there. Ornix women will often form lesbian "couples", though their society has no concept of marriage or sexual pairings as different from close friendships.

b. Jungle Ornix: Jungle Ornix live in the canopy of jungles, and mostly subsist on prey they can hunt from the jungle undergrowth. They have strictly independent family units consisting of a mated male-female or female-female pair and their children, who rarely interact with others.

Redwall-Inspired Campaign - Sessions 1 and 2: The Burial Mound of Gilliard the Owl

So my Redwall campaign only ended up lasting two sessions, but here's a write-up of it anyway. Maybe someday I'll get to try running it again.

Resources used this session:
Burial Mound of Gilliard Wolfclan, a simple one-page-dungeon I based the adventure on
One Hundred Hexes
Mausritter, used for inspiration and settlement names

The Principal Cast:
"Peaches" a Weasel knight with black fur and a skeletal body. Very strong.
Hawthorne Black, a Weasel bard (chosen because "Weasels like to dance" with silky black fur. Surprisingly intelligent.
Dil Danger, a lumpy-faced mole thief, stunningly attractive.
Sigurd Ericssson, a snake wizard with a scarred appearance, an eyepatch, and a wizard hat.

Yes, we started off with two black weasels. Two players both really wanted to be weasels and rolled "black fur," and neither of them wanted to switch colors even though I don't think there are actually black Least Weasels.

As a side note, all the characters rolled terribly for their HP, despite me bumping up the Hit Die from Old School Essentials, with Dil Danger having a single hit point. The highest HP was 4, rolled on a d10.

The party started in the town of Acorn Hill. Their supposed goal was to rescue a mouse named Warren, who had gone wandering off in the direction of the Burial Mound of Gilliard, a giant owl who had ravaged the kingdom before being slain by a group of rats and mice. He was buried on a hill about a day away.

On the way there, the party encountered an old mill, fallen into disrepair. Inside they found the dead bodies of three mole lumberjacks, all of them missing their teeth. In the next room, they managed to sneak up on the culprits: a group of tooth fairies, who had with them a pile of teeth. The group managed to kill one, scaring off the other two. Peaches collected the teeth and stuck them all in her mouth.

Finally, the group made it to the mound, where there was an old well. After some argument about whether to use Sigurd as a rope, they made it down the well. There they met a group of Weasel brigands, who were all drinking. With them was the missing mouse, Warren, who it seemed had quickly joined up with the group and was also quite drunk. One of the weasels, named Hogor, complained that a turtle named Skazic had taken over his small party and become the new leader.

The party bribed one of the weasels, named Fleaback, while Hawthorne used his magical music to charm two others, Grayjaw and Hisk. With the support of the three, the party convinced Skazic to let them join up with the group. Skazic agreed if the party would explore the rest of the dungeon and bring back treasure. He sent with them three of the weasels, including Hogor, who Skazic asked Sigurd to dispose of and make it look like an accident.

In the dungeon, the group fought off some centipedes with missile weapons.

They found the burial mound of Gilliard the Owl, an altar with two silver cups on it. The party got one of their henchweasels to pick up a cup, and heard a booming voice: "Who? Who disturbs my tomb?" The Owl asked for a delicious meal in return for letting the rest of them live. Sigurd whispered to Hogor "let's make a run for it," at which point nobody else in the party ran for it but Hogor. The owl descended upon Hogor and tore him limb from limb. Meanwhile, Dil danger used his stealth skill to sneak up to the altar and open it, finding Gilliard's skeleton. He broke both femurs which (as everyone knows) lay the spirit to rest and caused Gilliard's ghost to dissipate. Down one henchweasel, the party continued on.

After fighting off some green slimes and contending with a poisoned door trap, the party found a large group of fearsome skeletons. Rather than fighting them one-on-one they elected to run away, hoping to recruit the entire Weasel bandit gang in their fight.

Unfortunately, then finals happened and the group fell apart so we never finished our weasel adventure game. Oh well.

Total playtime: 3 1/2-ish hours